the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
