my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
