i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
