So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
