DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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