i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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