Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
