Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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