im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
