the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize