dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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