Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
