She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
