so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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