I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
