she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
