angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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