i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
