i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
