So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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