You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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