3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
