she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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