Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex on a dog bed..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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