I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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