I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
