well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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