Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
