So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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