SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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