I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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