STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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