my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
