If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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