I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't turn off my feet"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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