the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
