I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
