Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
