when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
