I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
