i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
