You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
