If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
