I understand why you refuse to be sober now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
