i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
