I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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