you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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