she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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