he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
