I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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