At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
