we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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