I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize