i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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