shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
