Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
