Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
