I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
