is your mom at the bar?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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