its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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