you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
