**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
