I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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