i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im part way to drunk.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
