Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
