when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
