Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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