dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
