It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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