tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
