Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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