she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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