I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
