Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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