Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have demons in me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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