i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
