I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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