How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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