I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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