How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Soap is not a condiment
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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