Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
