It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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