Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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