Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
