last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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