you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
