So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
