Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
