Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
