remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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